I cannot tell you when it started, only when I knew it was happening.
Late October, 2010. Not quite at the point where I was on my vacation to Nevada, but close enough that it was a tangible thing. It was like being across the road from a mountain: close enough that you can just walk across the road and touch it, but not automatically within arm's reach. But you know it's there. You know it, because you can see it right in front of you. All you have to do is walk across that road.
Perhaps the reason it happened simply lay in the uncertainty of that trip. For a good chunk of time, my ability to attend lay in jeopardy because of a worsening financial situation. Thankfully my efforts to attend worked themselves out. In the end, the stress drained away and serenity remained.
Somewhere in that period of serenity, I realized I was lucky to be able to go.
In a sense, we all take certain things for granted. When we are young, we take for granted our youth and health. For my own part, I've noticed a tendency to take for granted that things will always be as they are now, or better. Every so often, I have to take a step back and realize that I'm not too far removed from my last year of college, when I had no job, no money, and uncertain future. As unsatisfied with my job as I am some days, I am lucky to have one when so many have none.
I took that step back in a grander sense somewhen during October's end. I realized in some other cosmic reality, it might not be me going on that vacation with people I'd known for ten years. I mean, if life is a journey of small steps, one step out of place can take you from your path. It wouldn't have taken much for any one of us to not be there. And indeed, some people who wanted to be there, weren't, due to circumstances beyond their short-term control.
And as I realized how lucky I was, I became so thankful that it was all going to work out. That I'd be able to reach out and touch that mountain.
I don't think I can adequately say that this feeling of gratitude began in October, though. In the back of my head, it's been growing for some time and now is just blossoming into something bigger. It's somehow appropriate, though, that this journey be realized around the time of the American Thanksgiving holiday. With that having just passed and being fresh in my history, here is a short list of things I am thankful for.
My Dad, Cecil Sears, and my brother, Jeff Sears. I do not want a life that never had you two in it.
My friends from SW-Fans.net and my fellow Deeznites. All of you are awesome. Do not ever think I do not appreciate your presence in my life.
My car. Being able to go from A to B by myself has opened a world of new doors.
My ability to communicate, especially with the written word.
My ability to cook that grows even now.
The music I've found and that I continue to be introduced to.
The sum total of everything else that goes into my wonderful little life.
And last, but certainly not least, how I was able to reach that mountain.
It isn't often I discuss my failures. I don't have many.
Hear me out before you accuse me of ego. (I know I have one, that's just not the point right now)
What I mean here by failure is not lack of success. That happens to everyone; I'm no exception. The question is, how do you arrive at a lack of success? Do you use the right path and wind up lost by accident? Or do you set out with a route that crosses a "bridge to nowhere"?
"Failure" in this post's context is "going about a task in a way that I know ahead of time will fail". Sure, any idiot can screw something up if they don't know better. It takes a special kind of idiot to screw something up when they do know better.
At current, I count in my life three major failures of mine. The second is when I flunked out of college at Virginia Tech.
Flunked out is maybe the wrong word - I'm pretty sure they'd have let me come back, if I could afford it. My grades the first of my two semesters there weren't terrible. It was the second semester where I screwed around way too much. I had the motivation to do better than my first semester, but I got sick early, and in getting sick, I got lazy and complacent. Those were also the days when I was just discovering the internet as a social outlet. That didn't help.
So, I wound up with straight Fs that second semester. My parents no longer contributed to my schooling and I had no money. I wound up forced to return home and stuck there, bored, alone, miserable, and longing for a time machine to go back 8 months and give myself some "wear a bulletproof vest, Doc Brown" style advice.
The only person who I never felt judged me for screwing that opportunity up was my brother Jeff. I never forgot it and it still means everything to me. You're the best, bro.
Unfortunately, I was quite capable of judging myself and I know I judged me much harder than anyone else could've. Whether real or imagined, I don't know, but I convinced myself that everyone in my family looked on me as "That Kid". You know, "That Kid" who never does anything right. "That Kid" who'll never grow up. "That Kid" who'll never amount to anything.
I hated being "That Kid".
Coupled with my scholastic, social, and psychological failures was also a heavy monetary debt. I owed over five grand in student loans that I had no way to repay. In our society where progress too often gets measured by dollars in a bank account, my personal progress was measured in negative amounts.
How miserable! Quick, let's hop in my DeLorean and take a trip back to the future where it's a lot more pleasant.
In order to finish college, I had to borrow more money. I did succeed at righting myself this time - I graduated from Virginia Commonwealth University with a head on straight and full of knowledge. What's more, I had a magic piece of paper that said I could learn things when taught, follow instructions, oh, and I was hot chick magnet.
Okay, maybe that's not what college degrees say. (Except mine! Ha!)
The problem was, I graduated with a combination of credit card debt, VA Tech student loans, and VCU student loans totaling roughly $25 grand. I felt like I'd changed, but I didn't have a tangible measure of success to prove it to myself. I knew what I ought to do, though, and so I set myself a long term plan to deal with my financial obligations.
Today, I realized while budgeting that I've actually succeeded at setting and achieving my long-term goal to eliminate my debt. The payment plan I started three years ago now bears fruit: by the end of 2010 I will owe less than $10 grand in student loan debt.
That debt is the last holdover from my days in college. The last remote tie to that miserable time in the late 90s and the only one of my three major failures that holds me back in any way at all. In less than two years, it will be gone.
Truth be told, I doubt I was ever "That Kid" to anyone except myself. Even if I was, though, that time is long gone. My success over time proves to me, even if not to you, that I'm not "That Kid" anymore. And I never will be.
I believe the oddly great silver lining to any failure is the rebound. If you manage to overcome the things that held you back and succeed anyway, you feel a fabulous rush from triumph over failure and triumph of success. Even though it's a ways off, I can tell you this: at the end of 2012, I am gonna feel fan-damn-tastic.
Someone build me a flux capacitor and a Mr Fusion so I can go there and see what I have to look forward to!
I work for the Virginia Department of Taxation in their Customer Service section taking phone calls and responding to written correspondence. I make no secret of my employer's identity, though when people ask me what I do I have developed a habit of ducking or holding up my fingers in a sign to ward off evil curses. It is all too often a thankless job and people tend to approach you as if you were the enemy.
It needs to be done and people are willing to pay me for it. I do not object to this, but some days the job is a massive headache. Yesterday was one such day. We occasionally get people who refuse to listen to the sound advice they are given and who instead want to argue with you, as though you were the reason they are in their predicament. The caller I had was all that and then some: they complained about how long they were on the phone and what a hassle the process was.
Boiling that last sentence down for emphasis: they made things more difficult than they needed to be and complained that things were difficult. Days like that make you seriously consider why I do what I do.
I told you that story so I could tell you this one.
As I mentioned above, part of my job involves taking incoming phone calls. One such phone call I received in April. It was from a taxpayer who had filed tax filings with us that hadn't been processed and he was trying to determine why.
Without going into too much detail and boring people, I will only explain a little bit of the problem: this person's filings involved a Net Operating Loss (NOL), a special tax issue for which there are rules beyond the normal ones that have to be followed. Virginia NOLs are not a subject that is easy to understand at first glance; consequently very few people in the section I work in know how to file or resolve NOL problems.
I do, and I promptly began guiding the taxpayer on what to do to solve the issues at hand. Cut to a month later: the taxpayer had sent us what we needed and I'd done most of the work to ensure that everything got processed correctly. The refunds the taxpayer was filing for were on their way to him, albeit reduced a little bit (they had to be).
The taxpayer turned out to be very impressed with my service and very greatful for my assistance. He wrote a complimentary letter to my boss and sent a copy to me, a copy to his tax preparer, and a copy to Governor McDonnell. The text of the letter is listed below, though I had to edit it - names changed to protect the innocent and not get me fired and all that.
Dear [Brian's Boss]:
This letter is to commend Mr. Brian Sears of your staff for his timely and effective response to a complex, multi-year net operating loss (NOL) problem we incurred as a result of the Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme.
My wife and I inherited a Madoff account two years ago from her deceased mother. It was my wife's intent that the funds be left to our children and grandchildren. You can only imagine the impact Mr Madoff's downfall had on our family when it became known that his entire operation was a fraud.
Once the IRS had provided guidance, our accountants [So 'N So] prepared what they believed were the proper NOL filings for the Commonwealth of Virginia. Our original submissions were intended to recover state income taxes paid the years of [Times Before the Present]. These papers were filed in September 2009.
When we did not hear anything by early 2010, my accountant [Mister Mister], and I began calling the Customer Service Contact Center. The people with whom we spoke were very helpful, but it was clear that there was a great deal of confusion surrounding the actual carryback years for which we could file. As well, it appeared other papers still needed to be filed.
Enter Mr. Brian Sears. He, apparently, was a specialist in the analysis and processing of NOL filings, and he knew immediately what needed to be done. First, he confirmed that we needed to refile for years [Such] and [Such]. Also missing from our file was [Tax Document Q]. At every step of the way I received a call from Mr. Sears, advising me of the receipt of materials and of the next step that he would take.
This morning I received a telephone call from Mr Sears. In it he advised me that he had completed processing of our claim and was sending it forward for payment. He apprised me of the fact that the amount claimed for [Year X] was reduced somewhat based on his calculations and that he would provide us with a complete explanation of his analysis. He was patient, professional, and thorough in his review on the telephone.
I was, and always have been, impressed with Mr. Sears' demeanor, knowledge, and professionalism. Clearly he is an exemplary employee of the Virginia Department of Taxation and an asset to the Commonwealth of Virginia.
Please convey to Mr. Sears my wife's and my deepest appreciation for a "job well done."
Sincerely yours, [Taxpayer Identity #39 Not Found]
Included also in my copy of the letter was a small envelope with a sticker that read "Thanks a Million". The contents included a fake $1,000,000 bill and a note reading "Don't quit your day job!"
I will be corny here and say the letter made me feel like a million bucks.
Honestly? I doubt Governor McDonnell is going to track me down and shake my hand. This letter's not going to get me a promotion, or a pay raise, or any real material reward. But the reactions aren't really the reason I keep at it. I know it's hard to think of gratitude as a side-effect but that's really the case. I do my job because in the process of doing my job I help people. I help them solve problems they cannot solve themselves.
I help a couple who got bamboozled out of the savings they'd intended to pass on to their children recover a little something that replaces what they lost.
Sure I get paid for doing my job. I do it well because anything worth doing is worth doing well. But helping people who need it in ways few others can? That's priceless.
So now you know what keeps me going in the trying times where I do what I do. How 'bout you? What inner reservoir do you tap into when dealing with the non-good, the bad, and the ugly?
PS: Liz of The Peripatetic Kitchen blog has been posting recently after a hiatus of a few months. Her posts are really great and if you don't already read her stuff, it's a great little view into the kitchen of a vegetarian/vegan. Her recipes are delicious and she has great pictures that'll make your mouth water. If you've never checked her out, DO IT. You can find her latest blog offering at The Peripatetic Kitchen
My last music video got some enthusiasm, so I decided to do another short video blog that includes me making music for people. Here it is!
Having watched that, I am curious - you readers of this 'ere blog, obviously have musical tastes. What would you like to see me play, if anything? PS- You're too young to say Freebird and too inexperienced to say Through Fire and Flames. So don't or I keel you.
With that out of the way, I will go over just a few topics I'm planning on covering in upcoming blogs.
A) The remainder of PAX and some great music I've found since then. 2) Summer plans and upcoming games I want. III) A bit of life direction! d) Chef Brian and also an exercise habit.
So I haven't updated my blog in about two months. It's not dead - at least, not yet. It's simply been the thick of my work's busiest season of the year. I work in taxes, so this is not surprising. What may be surprising is that I do a lot of writing for my job, and I'm often literarily exhausted by the time my day is over.
While I do plan to pick up posting where I left off sometime soon, I thought I would provide the people who read my blog a small treat (torture?) for bearing with me during the lean times. As I mentioned on Facebook, I have begun learning the guitar. Most nights, I practice tuning it. I've also written a small song that I play after the guitar is tuned. It's very minimalist and I'm not good at playing it, but it's a useful tool for memorizing how the tuned guitar should sound since it uses five of the six strings in its melody.
So as it turns out, the upside to the lack of written entertainment is that you readers get a musical version instead. I hope you enjoy it, and I apologize for the poor quality of the audio.
"Now, let's begin to type some words. (Yo when I hit it, I hit L shift + O to the quote and then dollar...)" - Penny Arcade theme, by MC Frontalot
The alarm went off at 6:50 AM Friday. I'd already been woken by my temporary roommate Vince moving around to hit the shower. Listening to the beeping of the alarmI very quickly got annoyed and turned it off. It helped keep me awake, though, so I can't fault the mini-mechanical for doing its assigned task.
... yet.
Anyway, it became my turn to hit the shower and I did at full force. I was still feeling sluggish and dehydrated from the night before and the shower helped big time. Vince and I dressed and hit the hotel restaurant - Vince was kind enough to share one of his continental breakfast passes with me so I could grab a free meal. After enjoying some fruit, Raisin Bran, a cinnamon roll, and a muffin I felt much more human. The two of us then headed to the lobby area where not long after, we caught up with Curt and Fox who had also set their alarm but for an hour after ours. (This was unintentional or so they claim) The four of us hit the mall where Fox and Curt grabbed breakfast. We were joined shortly after 8 AM by Jay, Matt, and Mike and then we scoped out the connection between mall and convention center where we believed the line would begin.
We were wrong.
To understand the situation, I'll give you some info: the Hynes convention center abuts an enclosed mall and has an entrance from both the street and from inside the mall itself. Given this clever architectural addition, you'd figure the logical thing to do would be to encourage lining up inside. As we were informed by some kind PAX Enforcers, the line actually began outside. In the cold. And the snow. And the doors to the convention would not open until 10 AM.
Don't know who made that decision, but clearly they didn't know the dedication of us gamers. Being repeatedly spawn mortared on a FPS map trains you for things that require persistence. (THANKS KYLE) Determined to be early in the line not only for the opportunity to grab bracelets which would guarantee us entry to the Friday night concert, but also to make sure we could catch the Wil Wheaton keynote and the first Penny Arcade panel, we went outside. Some of us remembered our jackets. (I was one of those) Those of us who didn't had friends go and grab them for us. Plus, some Enforcers did running high fives down the line to help keep us distracted from the cold. End result: the outside wait wasn't as bad as it could have been.
About a half an hour before 10, someone wised up and they opened the doors so we would could come inside instead of continuing to allow icicles to form on our limbs. We were lead to the room we affectionately termed "The Line Room" where we parked our butts on the concrete floor, broke out our games and our swag bags, and settled in to wait.
For those of you who have never been to a convention and don't know what a swag bag is, I'll explain. Conventions often have multiple companies in attendance. Said companies donate ads, free gifts, coupons, etc to the attendees - it allows the companies cheap advertising and amuses the attendees while they wait in line. It is collected and usually put out so that anyone attending the convention gets it. Swag, therefore, is Stuff We All Get. Look through the pictures I posted on Facebook; when you spot lime green bags in some of the shots, you will now know what those bags are.
Thankfully, our swag bags contained half-decks of magic cards, which we combined to form the Megazord er no wait I mean a full deck. It was during this time that Sean and Jeff joined us. We got in a couple games of Magic, some Pictochatting, and a few Nintendo DS games before they opened the doors at 2. The Enforcers guided us to the main theater where we settled in for the Wil Wheaton keynote speech. We got pretty decent seats thanks to our position in line and settled in again, this time in chairs. (Chairs are miles better than concrete floors, just fyi)
Now, if you are not a gamer, you may not enjoy the Wheaton keynote speech as much as we did. However, at the risk of you not understanding the myriad of references, I will let his speech stand on its own. Below are embedded videos from Youtube of his speech that someone was clever enough to record and post for us. Listen if you like, or skip past them to the next bit of the post, but I recommend listening to them because he makes a very eloquent case on why gaming matters to those who play.
FAIR WARNING, IT IS NOT PG-13
SERIOUSLY, NOT PG-13
IT IS RATED A FOR AWESOME BUT DEFINITELY NOT PG-13
Still intent on checking it out, huh? Okay, here they are.
IF YOU SKIPPED AHEAD, THIS IS WHERE THE POST PICKS UP AGAIN.
Immediately after the keynote, the first Penny Arcade panel was held in the same room. No videos of that, sadly, but it was pretty good too. Mike Krahulik and Jerry Holkins (aka Gabe and Tycho) came out to the music "Every day I'm hustlin" (y'know, like us gamers do) gave us a short intro speech, and then headed on to the Q+A. Some questions were good, some were dumb, but the responses were pretty universally funny. Or at least, I was amused.
That panel ended at a little after 5 PM. We decided this would be a good time for a dinner break, so we hit up the mall for food and then relaxed a bit before getting in line for the concerts.
Ostensibly the concerts were to start at 8:30 PM. This, however, was a lie just like the cake. Nothing really began until after 9, which I was very disappointed about because I could have attended another panel without missing much. (I reallllly wanted to check out the Girls and Games panel because I sincerely believe girl gamers are an underdeveloped market)
Anyways, the first act of the concerts was The Protomen. They were okay. The best way to describe their act is to liken it to 80s rock opera, with a very loose connection to video games. They were very enthusiastic, and their musical product wasn't that bad, I just felt they weren't quite the right act to have at the event.
Enough about them. The real hit for the night (for me, and for my friend Sean I'm sure) was Anamanaguchi. They play chip music, which they describe as "making music with a hacked NES from 1985". If you only hear the songs through their website, it won't quite capture the same feel as the live songs - definitely the pre-recordings are more oriented towards an 8-bit midi sound while the live product included guitars and drums. The lead singer struck me as a bit of an airhead, but nonetheless I was happy with their show. They, I classify as good.
The night ended here for us. Our desire to secure concert bracelets for Saturday, the late concert start, and the lackluster performance of the opening act drove our crew of 6 to bed at at little before midnight. However, I have to stop here and give props to the next two acts I would've seen: Metroid Metal and MC Frontalot.
Metroid Metal is basically what it sounds like: a band that does cover versions of music from the game Metroid. I am not generally a fan of metal music. However, due to events I will describe in tomorrow's blog, I had to catch a listen to these guys. As it turns out, they're really good at what they do and I'm sorry I missed their act that night.
MC Frontalot is a nerdcore rapper (if you don't know what it means, hit Google). His raps are all based on things that generally carry a "nerd" or "gamer" label. I really wanted to stay up to catch him at the recommendation of my friend Curt, but sadly it was not to be. As I later learned, however, he too does an awesome act.
If you are a gamer and you haven't caught either of these two acts or the songs they play. I recommend you check them out. In the meantime, it's getting late, I'm sick, and I need to try and get in to work tomorrow so tonight's blog will end here.
Hi Readers! I know it's been awhile since I posted - you'll have to forgive me for that. It is tax season and required overtime has kicked in at work. I have a little less time to devote to fun projects and March has been a month of getting things accomplished. The end consequence: my blog has suffered. While I do have an unfinished blog post I wrote in honor of March 20th (why I'm honoring that particular day will become a little more clear once you read the post), I wanted to set that aside for the moment so I could get in some blog posts from the trip I just went to.
And oh, what a trip it was.
First, the preamble!
The Penny Arcade Expo (PAX, for short) is a gaming convention. Do you like video games? I do! What about board games? Same here! Card games? Those too! Tabletop RPG stuff? Sure thing! If it is a game, chances are PAX features it in some fashion. In an earlier blog post, I identified myself as a gamer and in spite of my Lenten sacrifice, I remain one. It should thus come as no surprise that I wanted to attend.
With the exception of the first year, the convention is primarily held in Seattle, Washington. It came to be because the creators of the webcomic strip Penny Arcade felt gamer culture was under-represented in terms of conventions. The very first PAX came to be in 2004 and held about 3300 people. It was held in Bellevue, Washington in a fairly small convention center.
Oh how times have changed.
As of this year, PAX has grown big enough to support not one, but two conventions a year. PAX Prime is the convention that remains on the West Coast of the US; PAX East is the new version held in Boston. Gamers from all over the US and Canada attend, not to mention many other gaming pilgrims who make the trek from various parts of the world. Attending PAX East along with myself were five gaming cohorts: Curt, Vince, Fox, Sean, and Jeff (not my brother). Alas, some of our circle could not attend. Such is the way of things.
Our plan involved flying up in two groups of three. I spent the day doing laundry, packing, and getting affairs in order before leaving. Vince picked up Curt and myself around 3 PM and we were at the airport and ready to go by our 4 PM flight.
It's worth mentioning here that the only paper I had to print my boarding pass had pre-printed images of unrolled parchments on the front. I printed my pass on the white back of the paper and at the time I saw it as a possible problem (e.g. the paper might not read on airport scanners). However, I wasn't that concerned and had I more time I would have drawn a treasure map of the US East Coast on the front with an X labeled "To Adventure!" at the end of the trail. Maybe next time.
The flight was a smooth cruise and we landed in Boston a little before 6 PM. A short cab ride later and we were at our hotel, the Hilton Back Bay. Vince and I were staying together and we dropped off our stuff in our shared room. Curt checked into his own room and the three of us then went across the street to the mall and got dinner from one of the most posh food courts I've seen. I ate a burger and fries, which wasn't terrible but wasn't that great either. During dinner we connected with Jay, a friend of Curt's who was a Boston local, and his friend Mike. We hit a couple of pubs for drinks and then managed to stumble out into the night in search of fun and adventure.
Little side note: at the first pub we went to (which had Zoiglbier, a beer I decided had been created so that Dr Zoidberg could have beer) I sat at the end of our quintet at the bar. Immediately to our left was a couple who was having a completely tabloid and non-PG conversation. I got a bit of dinner theater that night.
After a bit of drinking, we took a walk around Fenway Park and wound up at the Rockstar Games party. Apparently, Curt was on "the list" to get in; the rest of us just rode his coattails. There was originally supposed to be some playable demos there, but as it turned out all that was available were trailers projected onto walls.
And alcohol. I got a Red Bull and vodka (meh) and a PBR (meh meh). But hey, it was fun.
After the Rockstar party, the six of us (we caught up with Jay's friend Matt at the party) went to grab a quick drink before parting ways. We went to Whiskey's, snagged a couple drinks, someone ordered a terrible pizza which we all had a slice of, then we parted ways for the evening. Thankfully everything ended not too much after midnight, since we had to be up by Way Too Early For Having Been Drinking o'clock (aka 7 AM) to get in line for the opening stuff and guaranteed concert entry bracelets the next day.
Did we manage it? Of course we did - we're awesome like that. However, I'm going to cut the blog entry short here - I'd originally planned to put out day 1/2 and 1 in a single post but this is getting long. You lucky (or unlucky) readers will see a post a day from me over the next four days detailing my adventure from start to finish and giving as much details as I possibly can.
And how does all this tie in to the theme of my blog? Well, you'll see. :)
Some of you may remember that I accepted a challenge from my brotherly brother awhile back. Accepting this challenge has wrought a few very nifty changes in my circumstances. I'm not ready to do any grand unveiling yet, but I'll offer you a small preview of my surroundings. I'm really happy with the changes done to my computer desk and in the mood to show them off, so here are shots of the new setup from left to right.
The above shots were taken with my new webcam! Of course you can see the new speakers in the pics - they're great! Music sounds fantastic now.
And another small offering to give the post a bit more substance! I was hunting for dinnerfood last night and not in the mood to make anything major. What I wound up with was a pretty neat idea that borrows some pages from the cookbooks of Charley and Liz. (You can see their blogs by checking out the blogs I follow in my profile. Go look! They are both rad, k?)
1) Cut and toast an English muffin. 2) While the muffin is toasting, mash some avocado. 3) Optional, but I felt like adding some ground peppercorn to the mashed avo for a bit of kick. 4) Slice some tomatoes (I used vine but any kind will do). 5) Pluck some spinach leaves. 6) Slice some mozzarella cheese. 7) When muffin has finished toasting, line the bottom muffin half with the cheese, then top it with the spinach leaves, tomato slices, and spread the avo mash on the top muffin half. 8) Assemble into sandwich! 9) Eat sandwich! 10) Gain +120 health! (Extra bonus 20 health for making OM NOM NOM noises as you eat it)
Here is a picture of the finished product:
To close the post, I'd like to offer the lyrics to a pretty awesome CD I re-bought over the weekend. If you can listen to the song itself I recommend it as it's pretty badass. In fact, get the entire CD. You won't regret it.
"Skin and Bones" - Foo Fighters
Lately I've been measuring Seems my time is growing thin Wind me up and watch me spin Watch me spin Watch me spin Skin and bones Skin and bones Skin and bones don't you know? Skin and bones Skin and bones Skin and bones don't you know? I'm just skin and bones All worn out and nothing fits Brennivin and cigarettes The more I give the less I get I'm all set I'm all set Skin and bones Skin and bones Skin and bones don't you know? Skin and bones Skin and bones Skin and bones don't you know? I'm just skin and bones I'm just skin and bones I'm just skin and bones I'm just skin and bones I'm just skin and bones Deep within this frame of mind Heart of hearts oh valentine Tell my mom I'm doing fine Doing fine Doing fine Skin and bones Skin and bones Skin and bones don't you know? Skin and bones Skin and bones Skin and bones don't you know? Skin and bones Skin and bones Skin and bones don't you know? I'm just skin and bones I'm just skin and bones I'm just skin and bones I'm just skin and bones I'm just skin and bones
It is not often that I get to talk about a life-changing event. Today, my friends, I will write about two of them.
The first occurred in December 2006 during my final year of college. That winter bore a cold that froze everything; a cold that made morning wakeup routines take twice as long and made you ache for warmth the entire day even when you were inside a heated room. The Fall semester would normally consist of me waking up before 7:00 AM and driving in to downtown Richmond to attend my first 8:00 AM course at VCU. Once my day was done, I would end my day with a trip home between 9 and 10 PM. I was not working during the semester; my sole focus was on taking care of every last piece of schoolwork so that I could complete my degree. Those were some tiring days where I had no money and did little other than pound my way through tests and textbooks.
It was in the last week of classes that my car's engine died.
I previously owned a Ford Tempo. I bought it for $1500 at an auto auction and it worked for five years. It accelerated on its own and needed some body work done to it, but it was my car. To replace the engine would have cost more than the car was worth and I had nothing to afford the replacement with anyway.
For the next three years, when I was not taking the bus to work, I was walking. Everywhere.
The loss of that vehicle entirely shaped my time to come. I will not say these have been the worst three years of my life. Quite the contrary; being on my own and working for myself has led me to a freedom I did not previously have. But it was always a limited freedom. A freedom constantly defined by where I could get to. A freedom that all too often led me to spending time alone in my apartment, bored or gaming.
I want to take a moment here to thank the friends who still spent time with me during this period. Curt, Vince, Travis, and Chris: you guys were always willing to pick me up and bring me to the fun that was going on. My mom and dad helped me out a lot too, although they aren't on Facebook so my thanks don't mean as much here as they do in person. Nonetheless, there were times the people I know went an extra mile so I could be included in things. I really appreciate that.
Unfortunately, the sad truth remained: without my own transportation I faced constant obstacles between myself and what I wanted to do.
Last December, my dad approached me with an offer: contribute money towards the purchase of a truck he could use for transportation and I could make full-time use of his car. I was previously looking at buying my own vehicle at a far greater cost. This offer attracted me because it would allow me to save money and fill some of the needs I'd not met while I was putting every cent I had towards the potential car purchase.
Last Tuesday that agreement bore fruit. I have a car again.
All the old limits are gone.
I should know, as I've spent the past few days breaking them. The first full day with the car, I picked up dinner on the way home just because I could. On Friday, I went and hung out with Chris. It was my first Friday night out in ages.
Is there a silver lining to the experience? Oh, I think so. Not having a vehicle means I know just what it means to have one. What it means to be able to go and do what I choose, when and where I choose it. Now that I have a car, I know exactly what I'll be doing with it. I've made mental notes of everything I wanted to do but couldn't for lack of transportation.
I often identify myself with my zodiac sign: Taurus. Well, there's no cage holding back this bull any longer.
Before I close this post, I'd like to share a shot of the car. It's the best view in the world right now. I hope you enjoy it, but I know you won't enjoy it as much as I do. Because...
... you have to be in the driver's seat to fully appreciate it and that's where I'll be sitting.
Here's a little something to know about me: I am a gamer. If it is a game, chances are I will play it and enjoy it, at least once. Whether I continue to play depends on how good the game is.
I began gaming as a lad. My dad likes to remind me how I used to feed quarters into arcade machines, especially the original Super Mario Bros at Richmond drug store. The store no longer exists, and arcade machines are a thing of the past, but well do I remember funneling money into the change slots to continue my games.
Gaming for me began with the original Atari. I owned a couple of games, one of which was Popeye. The other two were original titles that never got any notoriety, but they were still fun. This, of course, was in the 80s back when the name Atari had more "oomph" behind it. Of course, it faded and the original NES rose to prominence. I owned that console, as well as the Sega Genesis that was its competition. I gamed on the Sega CD, the original PS, the X Box, the N64, and then I got a PC for the first time.
I love games. They are an enjoyable challenge of both my reflexes and my puzzle-solving ability and tell some fantastic stories to boot. I have gamed since my earliest childhood straight through into my 30s.
And as of Ash Wednesday, I stopped gaming for the duration of Lent.
There are many reasons to this act and I won't go into all of them. But giving up gaming is not a small sacrifice for me personally as I hope the history above shows you. And having given them up even temporarily, I find the urge to game is a constant temptation - sink more time into whatever my game of the moment is, or do something else? I even find myself missing it - I left Bioshock 2 unfinished and want to see the end of the story. But ever since I've been carless, I've had little other than gaming to do. Giving up gaming seems not only appropriate as a sacrifice, it's breaking a habit that has sucked up my time more than I would like.
In giving up my favorite activity, I believe I'll be able to find some new ones. I've already had my special project occupy last week's newly freed time. This week, I'm thinking even more will come my way.
Good morning/afternoon/evening, oh readers of mine.
This is my mug. I got it last year at DragonCon for being one of the first X-hundred people to donate blood. In that picture there, the mug doesn't look like much. It is a mug with a tv show ad printed on it.
But the mug has a secret, as I found when washing it in hot water. When revealed, the mug makes a statement plain for all to see.
For those with difficulty making the picture out, the relevant bit is "Love sucks" printed on the side of a mug advertising a TV show about vampires.
"But Brian," you're probably saying. "This blog is supposed to be about seeing the good side in things! Your mug (while humorous) isn't in keeping with the theme of your other blog posts!"
You're right, of course, but the nature of this blog has always been to take a seeming negative and show the positive sides to it. That being the case, I beg your indulgence as I talk my way around to this post's point.
The dictionary.com definition of love is: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. (There are others, but let's go with the first one) The first association that leaps to mind for me (and most others I'm sure) is the notion of romantic love felt for one's spouse/partner/significant other. Certainly, that's the association that ties into the theme of Valentine's Day as we know it. It just doesn't have to be the only association.
I'm not necessarily talking about platonic love here, although that's probably the best alternative definition I can give you for what I mean. When young and in grade school, Valentine's Day was often spent making cards for other people in the class; people we barely know but are socialized into playing the Valentine's role with. I don't even remember the class from my first elementary school, nor could I tell you who I gave a homemade Valentine's card to. It didn't really mean anything to me at the time. Now that I'm older, the feeling has come full circle. I believe in being as genuinely caring as possible to everyone whether you are romantically involved or not.
I am not currently in a committed relationship with anyone. Maybe if I was I would feel differently about this; maybe I too would buy in to the notion of romance that Valentine's is supposed to be about. Maybe I would see a distinction between the way love with a partner works versus caring about the world at large. From this chair on this date, however, I don't. I believe if you are going to care about someone you should do it to the fullest extent possible and romance be damned.
This does not mean I am going to rush out and buy or make Valentine's Day cards for all my friends. Even if Valentine's wasn't an extremely commercially-driven holiday that I try not to support, Valentine's cards to all my friends would be awkward (yes, I'm thinking of the guys here).
What it does mean is that I will do my best to show the people in my life that I care about them whenever I can, be it on Valentine's Day or not. Genuinely caring about other people transcends a single holiday dedicated to the name of love.
And so in obstacles to opportunities fashion, I don't plan on letting Valentine's get me down. Instead I'm taking it as a reminder that my family and friends are very important to my life and that I should definitely not wait until a holiday or special occasion to show it.
So suck on that Valentine's! :)
As a bit of a teaser, the title of next week's Sunday blog post is: What I gave up for Lent. If you want to know, tune in next week.
PS: for those paying attention to the Chinese New Year. it's the year of the tiger. This guy is smiling about it and so should you!
Wasn't really expecting to do midweek posts for my blog; figured I'd do mostly Sunday updates. But, when the situation calls for it one writes!
So the time is 5:35 PM and I'm just leaving the office. I am at the bus stop by 5:40. The last bus that will get me home is supposed to leave the end of its route at 5:42. I figure I'm good.
Not so, dear readers. I'm not sure exactly how, but I missed the bus. The time I find this out? 6:20. As the next bus that will not take me all the way home arrives.
Just. Grand.
Well, says I, the first step is to get as far home as the bus route will take me. Fortunately, there is a grocery store at the end of the route and I can get dinner there. My mom was also supposed to bring me her tax information over the weekend so I can file her taxes for her, but she didn't because of the snowmageddon. Since I am stuck tonight I give her a call thinking I can turn an obstacle into a lever. I get her voicemail, and leave a message.
While in the store, I run into an old coworker. He and I chat for a bit, which is good times. Feeling pretty positive, I grab a bit of dinner and park myself at a table in the store's cafe to eat.
I happen to park myself next to a group of people having a weekly meeting of some kind. I listen in on their conversation trying to piece together what's happening. Eventually I figure out it's some kind of motivational support group, but while listening I overhear the following:
"Buddhists, when they die but before they get into Heaven, get asked two questions. First, have you experienced true joy? Second, have you given true joy to another? If the answer to both is yes, then they are allowed to enter."
I don't know if this is true or not, but it's a bit of food for thought. I'm pretty certain I can say yes to the first. I don't know if the second is true - I'm not married/in a relationship so I don't exactly have a wife/girlfriend to vouch for me - but it was an an introspective addition to my dinner.
Of course, while I was listening in, one of the group noticed me and drew me into the conversation by asking me what I thought. I wasn't embarrassed, just mostly curious, so I answered that I was trying to figure out what they were doing. As it turns out I was right. A few of the group introduced themselves to me after they wrapped up and one even offered me a lift home, although my mom called shortly after to let me know she could give me a lift. For practical reasons, I reverted to Plan A. Regardless, the evening turned out far more interesting than I'd originally planned.
Feeling pretty good, I decided on a treat to cap the evening. Before leaving the store, I bought some hot chocolate from the barista who turned out to be very friendly and a little fun to talk to. Then, as I stood on the street waiting for my mom, I used my drink-heated breath to create clouds of breath steam in the cold air. (I did both a train engine and a dragon breathing fire) Silly, I know, but it was fun and it passed the time until she arrived.
So in spite of the crummy beginning, I'd say I managed to make tonight a win. Here's to that hot chocolate!
Also, since I mentioned it in my last blog post but didn't have an actual picture of it, I thought I'd show off the lucky hug Heather gave me in its place by my computer monitor.
Oh, I seem to have skipped ahead. Allow me to fill in the gaps.
It begins with a lamp.
Actually, no wait. It begins with a brother.
First, I have only one brother. His name is Jeff, and while he is occasionally a brat, jerk, or messy houseguest (very frequently that last), he is generally an awesome guy and I love him very much. Jeff currently goes to college in NoVA at George Mason University, or GMU as the acronym-lovers say. He's working on his undergrad degree there and while he seems pretty content to live up that way, he does make his way back to the old hometown every so often.
It was on a trip here just after the ill-fated Saturday snowstorm of my last blog that he proposed the challenge to me.
After spending a boring Sunday here, he began with "Brian."
"Yes?"
"I want you to turn this apartment into a place," he continued very seriously and paused.
I nodded, indicating he continue.
"That you'd bring a woman."
Another pause. I bet the next part has something to do with sex.
"Who you would have sex with."
Kinda saw where that was going.
"That is my challenge to you."
... what is this? A challenge? To me?!?! Baha. Ahahahaha.
After the bemused internal laughter subsided, I simply explained that yes, improving my living surroundings was indeed part of the plan all along. I had worked myself to insanity doing overtime last year in an attempt to pick up extra funds for a car. With that money now in the bank, I was rationing it until after the purchase. Then, I would begin buying furnishings for my apartment in earnest.
Flashforward to today. I wake bright and early, a smile on my face, the congestion that plagued me for the past week and a half finally beaten back, and my apartment a mess.
It's easy to understand how it got to that point. I was plastered-to-the-bed-ill for three days, snowed in for three days, and spent the remaining half of last week getting my job's workload under some control. I did just enough nightly chores to get through the week, knowing that I usually pick up the slack Sunday.
After the morning repast, I set about straightening and cleaning - not a fun task by any means but I was at least taking care of business. As I did so, a curious dissatisfaction crept into my mood. For some reason, just getting things back to normal wasn't enough.
My favorite author Timothy Zahn once wrote: "Examine all obstacles carefully. With a little ingenuity they can often be turned into levers." When this bit of perspective popped into my head, I realized I had not the beginnings of a problem, but an opportunity. As I cleaned today, I focused not on simply putting things back where they had been in a neater fashion. Instead, I shifted them around into new and better places. My eye went towards a reorganization of the parts, rather than a bit of polish to a gear here and there. I focused on my room, the heart of it all, and did a hefty reorganization of my random clutter. I'm not finished, but things are looking very different just from the things I've shifted.
I even added to the decor just a bit.
What you see in the picture above is my new Captain's Lamp (with which it does indeed begin). It replaces the old and cheap Banker's Lamp for my desk that fell apart on me. My intent is to make it the first of many changes; I have, after all, accepted my brother's challenge.
So for those of you who find yourselves in old surroundings you've tired of, or perhaps new ones, I challenge you to make an opportunity out of it. Don't just maintain the rut. Take the time and make some beneficial changes.
Also, here's a quick shout-out to my friends Danika and Heather who provided me some ornaments I used in the reorganization of my desk. Dani, the "flying monkeys" plaque has a place of prominence right behind the keyboard (as you can see in the pic above). Heather, although you can't see it the lucky hug I got from you sits at the base of my computer monitor so it's right there when I find myself in need. Smooches to both of you for helping make my room a bit more Brian-friendly!
This is it. The first post. MY first post. That post that sets an inevitable, undeniable tone for all posts to come. The all-important first stone thrown down the mountainside that creates a single, skipping stone, an avalanche, or anything in between. This particular post will be a little long because I've got a lot to cover at the beginning, but I think the perseverance pays off at the end.
Let's back up a step, then, and discuss why this post is on your computer screen to begin with, shall we?
I currently follow three blogs of some friends I particularly respect. One of them I happened to chat with a few weeks back, mentioning during the conversation that I'd thought about starting a blog as a New Year's resolution because I wanted to write again and my other outlets for writing had fallen off. Her response was "Go for it." The thing that held me back at the time was this: I had no unifying theme.
I also thought I'd constantly forget my blog ideas while away from the computer, ending up with nothing ever typed up - but I digress.
And so my quest for something to unify my blog and thus tie together all the disparate tales of my life I might tell came to be. At first I considered cooking - two of my friends do cooking blogs, after all and it is an interest of mine. However, I decided against it. One reason is that I don't consider myself very good - yet. Even with a yet at the end of that sentence, next to blogs like "The Peripatetic Kitchen" I'd feel like I was writing "The Very Pathetic Kitchen" because I don't have enough cooking experience worth sharing. More importantly, I didn't want to feel bound to write constantly about topics related to food. When all the areas of a person's life are potential content for a book, why limit myself to writing about only those parts which occur in the kitchen?
I next considered video gaming, as it is a bigger hobby of mine than cooking. While I feel games do have a much broader reach, I still felt limited. I also didn't feel up to par in that area either and let's face it: video games get a ton of press coverage anyway to a far greater degree than I would choose. In the end, I decided to leave writing on that subject to its paid professionals.
While I'm sure both those topics will creep into blog posts down the road at least a little bit, what I eventually found myself wanting to do with the blog was bring some positivity, encouragement, or even just a smile into the days of others. I know life gets rough for all of us and we all have our own problems that seem to suck the joy out of everything at times. My gift, my present - my blog - to you is to show you the silver lining I found on the clouds in my day. My hope is that doing so uplifts yours.
Having covered the blog's purpose in true "I told you that story so I could tell this one" fashion, here is this blog's first tale of finding a silver lining.
######
I am a fan of the musical group Rockapella. When I was a kid, I used to watch the PBS game show "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" where Rockapella was the house band. They were such a great group with a huge amount of fun energy and I've heard nothing but good things about their live performances. Even though the group's original singing members from the show are now all retired from Rockapella, Scott Leonard and the rest of the current troupe are just as good from the recordings I've heard.
I'd never seen their live show, however, and I found out that the group was coming to George Mason University (GMU) in northern Virginia. It's about three hours drive from where I live and my brother goes to GMU. He was able to get me a ticket, I'd arranged with my dad to borrow his car to make the trip up, and the concert was on a Saturday so time off work wouldn't be a problem. I'd come down with an illness this week, but even that didn't seem an obstacle because I'd seen a doctor, gotten some medication, and would generally be well enough to go through with the trip by Saturday. I was actually going to get to see this group sing live.
Then it snowed Friday night and by Saturday, transportation out of Richmond was impossible. According to the GMU Box Office, the performance went on as scheduled in spite of the weather. I missed it.
But you know, there's a reason I'm a self-described "snow cynic". Snow in Richmond, Virginia has the same frequency as a blue moon or, dare I say, a Rockapella concert coming to town. While it definitely wasn't what I wanted, I still enjoyed the picturesque winter weather and the cozy day inside that I turned yesterday into. Today we had bright and beautiful sun and I, in turn, used the clear day to prepare a crucial addition to this blog post.
The result of my activity? Well, let's just say, I hope it brings a smile to your face. Making it brought a smile to mine.
Day well spent? My answer's yes. What's yours?
That said, I hope this little tale adds a silver lining to your day or at least helps you find the one that's already there. Until next time, dear reader, I leave you with a smile.
I'm a lover of fun and good times who rocks it out in the R-VA. I enjoy the goofy and absurd sides to life. I'm especially thankful for all the friends who I share those events with.
